Sunday, 27 August 2017

Everything Happens For A Reason

This time two weeks ago I didn't think I would be writing a post about this as I was quietly confident I would have passed my A Levels enough to allow me to move on to future steps and an eventual career path. I also thought I wouldn't write this post as to be quite honest I felt embarrassed. Two years and I'm left with very little but I was sick of seeing 'Oh look at me I have A, A, A' or 'I only managed to scrape into Uni with a 2 B's and a C instead of my 3 A's target'. Of course I am extremely happy for everyone and would never wish them anything else as they have more than likely tried so hard but when I was hoping for a C and open the envelope to see I only managed that in 1 of 3 subjects I already felt stupid, inadequate and a failure without feeling even more deflated by others spreading it across social media. So I thought for people like me who struggle SO much with exams, pressure and feel like a failure because you haven't got what you wanted. Instead of hearing everything will be alright from someone who has made sure they look like they have their life together. You can hear it from me. Someone who feels just as much of a failure especially as I have my dreams set so high I nearly lost sight of them which adds to the feeling.

But everything will be alright! And you know why? Because we are all strong- minded, determined and aspirational individuals (ooh that sounds just like a CV). We can achieve anything, success is relative and nothing can stop anyone from reaching their dreams. Do you really think every single millionaire in the world passed all of their exams? No! There's plenty of options, re-sitting, completing a different course, work experience, a different career path or a job! It might not be your original plan but who's to say it won't work out better?

I personally still don't fully know what to do so any advice would be fab in the comments as I want to get into the media industry which is very hard anyway. But i could possibly re-sit or a specific course in college which their are a lot of pro's and con's for both. But I just know I keep having to tell myself.



Sunday, 13 August 2017

A Few Days By The Sea | Devon 2017 | Photo Diary

Earlier in the summer, I went to Devon for a few days, it was the perfect mini break as the beaches are so picturesque and the place in Britain that is the most likely to have beautiful sunshine and it definitely did. I completely de-stressed and it couldn't have been so I thought I would share the photos as my first photo diary and relates to my Summer Bucket list I posted back at the start of July (Linked HERE).


Why I Stopped Blogging

This time last year I noticed a change in myself. A change I couldn't understand, but I lost all motivation to go out, see friends, do work and things I enjoy. I sat around, going through the motions of the day without really remembering or thinking about what I was doing. 

I then had to begin going out to sixth form every day which definitely worked in my favour opposed to the summer where I had an excuse to be lazy. But then I began to do the opposite, I still didn't do things I didn't have to such as school trips and going out on the weekend but this was because I put so much pressure on myself to do school work and other tasks such as blogging. There was too much. Two blog posts a week, studying for A levels, work and battling whatever was going on with no motivation were incredibly hard as I then beat myself up over the smallest of things.

So as everything I was doing began to disappoint me as I am such a perfectionist and if I did everything I would end up having a result of 50% rather than a 100% effort. I had to take control and get my life back and prioritise all that was important to me which at that point was my A Levels as I had to think I had tried my best. However, I still couldn't concentrate fully so my attention was forced to be moved to my mental health as I had anxiety and it was dramatically affecting my happiness no matter what I told people. So at this point, I went back to doing nothing, I limited everything I did for a while to get my brain back together, for example, my blog posts had gone from 2 a week to at this point 1 a fortnight but the only way to focus was to stop altogether. I also did this for revision, I spent a week doing absolutely none. Both were a huge risk as I could never have regained motivation but for me, it put everything into perspective. My mental health improved so therefore so did my physical health and I could concentrate on school more effectively.

However, through this, there was one thing I forgot about and that was my blog. Some people would say that didn't matter, it's just a hobby. But I have worked at this for about 3 years and I wasn't about to let it all fall apart. But I put off doing it and could get absolutely no motivation. Luckily I had a few pre- prepared posts which instead of filling my old schedule of a month I rescheduled to over three months so it looked like I hadn't dropped off the face of the earth.
Despite that, to dishearten me even more because I hadn't promoted on social media there were very limited views only reaching 2,000 which is low compared to what I was used to seeing. Even though everyone claims views don't matter but really everyone wants some kind of gratification for the effort it takes and it was taking me a bloody lot of effort to get my computer out let alone actually write something of a high enough quality to post.

So today after months of contemplating sacking it off or rebranding or pretending it never happened I hope to start producing content but I'm not promising they won't be sporadical as I'm still not completely inspired and I definitely will be rebranding my now happy little corner of the internet.