Sunday, 13 August 2017

Why I Stopped Blogging

This time last year I noticed a change in myself. A change I couldn't understand, but I lost all motivation to go out, see friends, do work and things I enjoy. I sat around, going through the motions of the day without really remembering or thinking about what I was doing. 

I then had to begin going out to sixth form every day which definitely worked in my favour opposed to the summer where I had an excuse to be lazy. But then I began to do the opposite, I still didn't do things I didn't have to such as school trips and going out on the weekend but this was because I put so much pressure on myself to do school work and other tasks such as blogging. There was too much. Two blog posts a week, studying for A levels, work and battling whatever was going on with no motivation were incredibly hard as I then beat myself up over the smallest of things.

So as everything I was doing began to disappoint me as I am such a perfectionist and if I did everything I would end up having a result of 50% rather than a 100% effort. I had to take control and get my life back and prioritise all that was important to me which at that point was my A Levels as I had to think I had tried my best. However, I still couldn't concentrate fully so my attention was forced to be moved to my mental health as I had anxiety and it was dramatically affecting my happiness no matter what I told people. So at this point, I went back to doing nothing, I limited everything I did for a while to get my brain back together, for example, my blog posts had gone from 2 a week to at this point 1 a fortnight but the only way to focus was to stop altogether. I also did this for revision, I spent a week doing absolutely none. Both were a huge risk as I could never have regained motivation but for me, it put everything into perspective. My mental health improved so therefore so did my physical health and I could concentrate on school more effectively.

However, through this, there was one thing I forgot about and that was my blog. Some people would say that didn't matter, it's just a hobby. But I have worked at this for about 3 years and I wasn't about to let it all fall apart. But I put off doing it and could get absolutely no motivation. Luckily I had a few pre- prepared posts which instead of filling my old schedule of a month I rescheduled to over three months so it looked like I hadn't dropped off the face of the earth.
Despite that, to dishearten me even more because I hadn't promoted on social media there were very limited views only reaching 2,000 which is low compared to what I was used to seeing. Even though everyone claims views don't matter but really everyone wants some kind of gratification for the effort it takes and it was taking me a bloody lot of effort to get my computer out let alone actually write something of a high enough quality to post.

So today after months of contemplating sacking it off or rebranding or pretending it never happened I hope to start producing content but I'm not promising they won't be sporadical as I'm still not completely inspired and I definitely will be rebranding my now happy little corner of the internet.


1 comment:

  1. Katie, I've felt exactly the same recently - unsure if it's the time of year or just blogging changing. Hope you are well and glad to see you back!