Wednesday, 27 September 2017

When Anxiety Takes Over

*TRIGGER WARNING*

I may appear like my life is figured out, makeup on, hair done and smile fixed but that doesn't mean I am OK.

I wake up every morning to face something. Something that consumes me. Stops me doing the things I love. Achieving the things I am capable of.

Just because you can't see it what's to say it doesn't exist. 

I have anxiety.

My brain is moving faster than I can comprehend. The thoughts mount up inside me, my heart pounds with every quick inhale and exhale that occurs with every single irrational thought.
I am scared of what may come, what may happen even if there isn't a problem because most of the time there isn't a problem, it doesn't exist there's no reason, no explanation to why every minute lasts forever yet my mind feels as if it is moving faster than time itself.

I bite the inside of my mouth trying to find a solution, a way to get myself out, I blame myself and think I am crazy. My hands shake, my foot taps, whilst I play with a piece of hair and fidget in my seat. Before I realise it...

 I have lost control.

Lost control of what is right, what is reality and most of all what I am doing.

My words are meaningless, with no thought behind them, I can't concentrate, as all I can think of is my own voice, my own thoughts. Drowning out all that is real, telling me- ' I am ill', 'I am trapped' or ' I am alone' they are getting louder and faster by every moment. But...

When will it stop.

This is a bad day, a bad hour or just a few minutes, where I feel there's no way out of a vicious cycle. These days will pass and good ones come too, and I am lucky the good appear more than the bad but just because my thoughts cannot be seen it doesn't mean I am fine.

♥︎

2 comments:

  1. I have exactly these thoughts - hope you start feeling better soon!

    https://lizziedailyblog.blogspot.co.uk/

    ReplyDelete